Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize