If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
