When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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