oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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