I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize