my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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