Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
