Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
