I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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