This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
