His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
