You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
