Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
