i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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