I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
