so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize