Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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