I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
