He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
