I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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