I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
