i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
