Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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