apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
