in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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