So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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