It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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