dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
