My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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