this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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