I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
