I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
