We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
