my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
