we're chasing vodka with high fives
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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