For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
