census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize