Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
