i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
zippers are such a cool invention
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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