9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
