i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
