after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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