Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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