I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
