just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
