If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
