left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
