Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
