I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
