Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
