You're earring is so big in my mouth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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