i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
