Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what day is it and did you see me today?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
