you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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