I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
