Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it's great music for shaving your balls
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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