What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
