it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
