Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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