This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
