You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
