I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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