So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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