brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
